Hosting the post-election episode of “Saturday Night Live,” Bill Burr opened his monologue with a laugh: “Nice to be here on such a fun week. I don’t want to hear it. I don’t watch politics. We’re gonna keep it light.”
But it wasn’t long before he addressed the elephant in the room.
“All right ladies, you’re 0 and 2 on this guy,” Burr said, referring to Donald Trump’s victories over both Hillary Clinton and Kamala Harris. “But you learn more from your losses than your wins. Let’s get into the game tape.”
“Ladies, enough with the pantsuit. OK? It’s not working! Stop trying to have respect for yourselves,” he joked, referring to Harris’ and Clinton’s wardrobes.
“You don’t win the office on policy; you gotta whore it up a little! I’m not saying go full Hooters,” he said. “But find the happy medium between Applebee’s and your dad didn’t stick around. All right? You all know how to get a free drink.”
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Burr added with a smile: “I know a lot of ugly women — I mean feminists — don’t want to hear this message. But just tease ‘em a little bit! Make a farmer feel like he has a shot. Swing a state over a little bit!”
Burr expressed relief that the election is over. “I’m so psyched that this election is over. Took forever. Everybody knew who they were voting for four years ago.” Referencing the extreme differences between Harris and Trump, Burr said, “Let’s see, what does the orange bigot have to say?”
“The guy is a lunatic,” continued Burr. “That’s not a sane human being,” he said, and referenced the assassination attempt at a Trump rally. “I think the number one reason Trump survived [the assassination attempt] is he’s got all those herky jerky movements he does.”
Burr also recalled Trump’s much-publicized McDonald’s appearance, saying, “That’s the happiest I’ve ever seen him.” The comedian compared it to “When the Grinch came down the hill bringing the toys back and his heart grew bigger.”
Burr also shared that he’d just gotten over the flu. “Whenever you have the flu or COVID, you always lay in bed and try to figure out who gave it you. … I know who gave it to me. I sat next to a shoeless cowboy on an airplane. All I’m thinking is the next pandemic is growing in the bottom of his feet.”
Burr said with a smirk, “I looked at the guy and I’m thinking, ‘God made that guy. And he keeps making that guy. One mouth-breathing moron after another. Yet we still go to church on Sunday and we praise him.’”
“When is the constructive criticism coming?” asked Burr. “When’s the next Gandhi? I’m old school. I still do the vaccine thing. It’s a weird thing, though. If you get it, you side with the evil pharmaceutical companies, and if you don’t, you’ve aligned with people who don’t wear shoes on an airplane.”
Burr previously hosted “Saturday Night Live” in October 2020 with musical guest Jack White. The past two post-election episodes, which came just days after Trump was elected in 2016 and Biden in 2020, were hosted by Dave Chappelle.
Tonight’s musical guest is Mk.gee, who makes his “SNL” debut on the episode.
