SINGAPORE – It is that time of the year again, when most people gather their nearest and dearest and sit down for a meal in familiar company.
But for every flat filled with laughter, there may be another shrouded in silence. Separated from their loved ones by death, disputes or distance, many are marking the close of another year – alone.
Loneliness can feel especially acute when everyone else seems to be having the best holiday ever. According to a 2023 American Psychological Association poll, the stress levels of 41 per cent of adults increase during the holiday season.
Such festive social and emotional isolation afflicts many in Singapore too, which is why some residents are trying to stem the tide, one party at a time. This year-end, The Straits Times speaks to the people who are choosing to celebrate not with friends and family, but with those who have no one else.
Lonely Christmas no more
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In 2022, 45 people of all ages and religions turned up across their three parties. There was an empty nester in her 50s, whose sons had moved overseas to study; a woman in her 30s spending her first Christmas without her late husband; and a man who had been on the brink of suicide.
Despite their differences, these strangers were able to open up to one another and conversations ran raw. To the Lohs’ surprise, some attendees kept in touch after that night.
“Everyone there sort of knew the other attendees were also lonely, so there was a sense of empathy and solidarity,” recalls Mrs Loh.
The couple hope to inject more joy and excitement into their 2024 programme with activities like pottery painting.
“We’re not trying to change someone’s life. We just want to change someone’s night. If deep friendships happen, that’s great. But we don’t have lofty ideas. We just want to make them feel like they had a good Christmas.”
@davidandesther YOU’RE INVITED!!!! Drop us a DM to rsvp so we can plan for the food 😛🍕🍕 When: 24 Dec 22, Sat Time: 730pm-OTOT Where: City Hall (DM for more info) #christmas2022 #fypsg #youareinvited
More information will be released on the couple’s TikTok account (@davidandesther) in December.
I’ll (not) Be Home for Christmas
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The elderly patients of a palliative care centre look on in amusement as Ms Janet Lee struggles with her Santa Claus costume.
“I must be the skinniest Santa Claus ever,” she quips with a wry smile, strapping a beard across the lower half of her face. “Maybe I should stuff a pillow under the top.”
The 59-year-old volunteer is testing out the costumes she plans to don on Dec 9, when Kang Le Day Hospice celebrates a cross-cultural Christmas with an Asian buffet and Western carols. She expects around 30 attendees.
It was the housewife’s idea, and one of the many contributions she has made since she started volunteering with HCA Hospice, which runs the centre in Marsiling, in June 2023. Moved by the care and compassion its team showed to her late mother in her final days some four years ago, Ms Lee decided to reciprocate by helping out.
The memories she has made have stuck with her. In particular, her friendship with her very first patient – an elderly man she refers to as Mr N – continues to shape the work she does.
Mr N suffered from dementia and anxiety, which made it difficult to interact with him at first. But Ms Lee eventually won over the former postman with her rendition of the Carpenters’ Please Mr Postman.
He shared his life story with her, while she entertained him with games and activities, keeping him company until his death in August 2023.
“I was very sad upon hearing the news, but I was also thankful for the opportunity to have created some happy moments while he was around,” she says.
Thus was born her idea of organising parties to spread that joy to more patients, most of whom have only six months to a year left to live, and are likely celebrating their last Christmas.
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At St Luke’s ElderCare Serangoon Centre, 71-year-old retiree Lee Fatt Ping is also keenly aware of the needs of his fellow merry-makers. Though the seniors here are not terminally ill, many have conditions that might hamper their ability to participate.
The volunteer, who visits the centre on Tuesday mornings, has prepared a simple arts and crafts activity to spread cheer this festive season. It comprises four strips of coloured paper that can be folded to form a heart, representing peace, love and joy – sentiments the Christian associates with Christmas.
“It’s a way for them to come together and stamp their identity on this place. It gives them a sense of ownership,” he says, explaining that the completed paper hearts can then be hung up as decorations.
However, he also has to take into consideration those with weaker psychomotor skills and poor eyesight.
In such cases, Mr Lee will encourage one of their friends to help them, or get them involved through simple questions such as “What colour is this?” and “Is this pretty?”, to which they can respond with a thumbs up or down.
“We have to adjust to their capabilities and make sure they feel included. The important thing is not to discredit them but encourage them to try again, if they want to.”
When it comes to the more reserved seniors who do not want to participate, he will approach them as a supplicant, asking for assistance or help – a move that is guaranteed to flatter.
“They’ll say, ‘You don’t know how to do meh?’, but it gets them involved.”
I threw this year’s Christmas party at a mall instead of my house – and here’s why you should try it too
This article was first published in The Straits Times. Permission required for reproduction.
