Say the words ‘potty training’ and most parents will likely have horror stories to share of how tough that period was and the stress that everyone went through at that stage.

While we all want potty training to go as smoothly (and as fast!) as possible, things rarely go according to plan.

Even though you’re trying to do the best you can, mistakes are bound to happen, even with the best intentions in mind. But remember that hindsight is great because mistakes mean being able to do it better the next time (with your younger children).

These are some of the mistakes I made when I potty-trained my kids:

My mistake: Comparing my child to others

Especially when you have twins! It’s impossible to not compare kids at the same age and stage, so imagine my plight when I had two of the same age and sex under the same roof (at the same time).

One was showing signs of being ready to be potty-trained, while the other one had absolutely no interest in doing anything of the sort. And just like there isn’t one right age to start potty training by, there isn’t one age to have it completed by either, because each child develops at a different rate.

Don’t be in a rush to start too early just because one of their toddler friends is already potty training. Children are usually two to four years old before they can be effectively toilet trained.

My mistake: Thinking potty training happens takes only three days 

At the time we were starting to do potty training, I had come across several books that suggested that potty training took only three days and that it could indeed be achieved over a convenient long weekend if you’re a busy, working parent.

Needless to say, that’s not true at all!

Continue reading the book till the end and you’ll discover the fine print says something like ‘And keep continuing for another month or till you need to’.

Unfortunately I didn’t wait that long, and instead decided to go with the proposed no-diaper-three-day-bootcamp, thus putting incredible pressure on myself, and directly on my twins. Trust me when I say that every accident feels like a failure and that you’ve majorly regressed.

When you rush the process and put too much pressure on the kids, they naturally end up being more nervous and having more accidents, leading to more negative and more tense moments. Not exactly the loving parent-child relationship I envisioned having!

My mistake: Trying night-training at the same time as daytime potty training

Did you know that there is no such thing as night-training? I didn’t either.

You don’t actually need to potty train at night because night time control involves different bladder control than the day and most children sleep deeper than others, which means they aren’t aware when they have a full bladder, hence the bed wetting.

I learnt it too late but the right thing to do is to wait until your child has been dry in the day for a few weeks at least and then start tapering off the nappies overnight too.

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My mistake: Making my kids sit on the potty until they were done

Makes sense to think that you don’t get off the seat until you’ve done your business right? Wrong when it comes to potty training for little ones!

If your child starts associating having to keep sitting on the potty for very long (and therefore a negative, stressful time), then it’s going to take longer to get the training done. I honestly resented having to try training my kids, and seriously considered the possibility of letting them stay in diapers forever.

Sometimes, children associate potty training with so much stress, that they actually might choose to hold their poop in for a few days if doing it in the diaper isn’t possible, making them constipated. And you really can’t potty train your child if he’s already backed up.

The key is to make it a fun and positive experience. Pick specific times, such as after lunch or just before bedtime, but not too frequently either.

And then try for a couple of minutes, and if nothing happens, then pull up their diapers and let them go about their business as usual, without any shouting or getting frustrated with them. Maybe reading a little picture book on what potty training looks like can help.

My mistake: Thinking that once you start, you can’t stop

Please don’t think that once you start potty training, you have to see it through till the end. If your child isn’t making much progress or doesn’t seem very interested in going sans diaper, it’s okay to hit the pause button and take a break from potty training.

I thought doing that meant failure! But it really doesn’t. It simply means that your child isn’t ready right now, so check back in a few months and try again then.

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This article was first published in Wonderwall.sg.